Are You Using “Always” and “Never” For Positives or Negatives?

In the time leading up to our wedding, my wife and I took a marriage preparation course.  The essence of this four-week course was to prepare us for the reality of married life.  Each week a different topic was covered, ranging from money, communication, intimacy and even religion.  We both found the course very informative and helpful and refer to things we learned even now after all these years of being married.

Always and Never

One of the biggest lessons we learned was the power of the words “always” and “never.” We learned that we should be very careful when using them as they can be used to express extremes that may not be true and may hurt the other person when used in a negative connotation.

Saying things like: “you always do that” or “you always leave dirty dishes” can be more harmful than helpful.  The same could be said for: “you never take out the trash” or “you never support me.”

If anything, phrases like these will make the other person get defensive and upset rather than want to address the behavior or issue that is troubling their spouse.

Always and never can be just as damaging when we use them to refer to our own situation: “Bad things always happen to me” or “My relationships never work out.”

Positive Use

However, the good news is that we can use always and never as a force for good and strengthen our relationships with others and with ourselves.  Doing so can produce powerful positive feelings and achieve very strong results.

How can we use a word like “never” positively?

When we are speaking to someone about the good work they are doing you could say: “You never give up” or “you never let me down.”  This would work equally for a child at school, a spouse or an employee at a company.

You could tell a parent: “You never miss my soccer games” or “you never gave up on me.” 

You could say to your spouse: “You never criticize me” of “you never say unkind things to me.”

You could say to yourself: “I will never say negative things about my spouse to others” or “I will never harshly criticize my children.”

So, while it would seem that never has a negative connotation, it can be use very positively to support and praise others and improve your mental state.

Positive Always

How about “always?”

In a work situation or with a child you could say: “You always work so hard” or “I can always count on you.”

To a spouse you could say: “You are always there for me” or “you always make me feel better” or “you always support me.”

To yourself you could say: “I will always be there for my family” or “I will always love my spouse.”

Naturally, the word always has a more encouraging undertone than never, so it is much easier to come up with positive examples and phrases.

So, the next time you are thinking of using extreme language, harness the positive power of always and never and watch the amazing effect it will have!

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