Can’t or Won’t? Choose and See What Happens!

The importance of the words we use in our daily lives can affect our outcomes and how we react to those outcomes.  Prudently changing our vocabulary has been shown to greatly alter us for the better, with a minimum of effort.

We can take it one step further however, by adjusting our vocabulary and then assessing what the results are.  Using the word “can’t” when talking about things we aren’t doing can be problematic as it suggests to our subconscious that we are not in control.  We have discussed how to make a small change in vocabulary that will create a huge change in our lives here.

But what if we look at “can’t” from the standpoint of not wanting to.  We can say that we can’t go to the gym every day because we are too busy, but maybe it is a matter of “won’t.”  You won’t go to the gym and have created circumstances that seem like you can’t go.

You can’t be on time for most things, but it is probably a matter of “won’t.”  You just don’t do it and claim that you can’t.

You can’t eat a healthy diet, but it may be that you just won’t. 

This can be a huge eyeopener for people.  They realise that if they want to do something, they can if they make changes like scheduling the thing or deciding they are going to do it and then implementing steps towards it.

However, the other side of this is when they realise that there may be a number of things they won’t do, not because they can’t but because they don’t want to.  This point of clarity then allows decisions to be made with more honestly.  Perhaps it is not that you can’t save money, it is that you don’t want to by not prioritizing the correct activities.  That may point to the fact that it is not important enough to you. 

You can’t go on vacation may be more of a case of not prioritizing finding the time and funds to do so.

This realization can simplify things because once you determine what are you not doing because you don’t want to, you can gain control of your life.  If you can cut out or change the things you don’t want to do, you feel better about yourself because you can concentrate on things that you want to do and avoid the things you don’t.

Rather than not being able to go to the gym for example, you can schedule a walk at lunch, a bike ride with family or friends or any other physical activity you like more than the gym.  Just coming to this realization will empower you and make you feel that you are more in control of your circumstances.

Once you realize what you can or will do, you also you have to decide better ways to do the things you have to do, but you can also decide what things you want to do and eliminate the rest.

Rather than feel obligated to do many things, once you complete this process, you will do less things but they will either be things that you have to do and have created a process to do them, or they will be versions of things that you want to do.  Either way, you will feel more in control of things and feel better about the honesty of your choices.