This Trait Will Make You Irresistible

When we meet someone, whether they are new to us or well known, our interactions are governed by a number of feelings we have about them, whether conscious or not.  Their appearance, regardless of how upsetting it may seem to us, is a major factor.  The way they act, speak and interact with others is another set of factors that determine how we fell about someone.

However, there is one factor that supersedes all of these and can make us forget all of the others.  It is the trait of giving.

We have all had the experience of meeting someone for the first time and not having a good impression of them.  It could have been because of them or because of us.  We may not have been “in the mood” to meet them or been told information that made us pre-judge them.  The reasons are irrelevant.  Where the magic happens is when we speak to the person.  We remember these interactions because these people made us feel so important.

We have talked in the past about the “Clinton Effect”, where when meeting President Bill Clinton, regardless of the circumstances, people have felt like they were the only people speaking with him.  The reason is because he was a giver.  A giver of his complete attention first of all, and a giver of his interest in them.  He would ask thoughtful questions and then wait for them to answer him, all the while interacting with them, nodding his head and smiling.

In addition to being great and present listeners, the best givers also make us feel like they are there for us. 

                                “To be interesting, be interested.”

                                                                -Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie’s timeless quote is a classic description of how to be a giver.  Givers are interested in the person they are meeting.  They are present in the conversation and listen attentively to what people are saying. 

The other trait that givers have is that when you speak to them, you never have a feeling that there is an ulterior motive for why they are speaking with you.  This is a vital attribute of the giver that puts people at ease immediately.  When you are speaking with someone and you give your full attention to them with no motive other than to be interested in them an amazing thing happens.  People will seek you out to speak with you and they will tell other people what an amazing person you are!

All you will have done is asked some insightful questions, actively listened to the answer and made them feel that they are the only one there in your presence with no motive other than to give to them.  There is nothing difficult at all in this process. 

However, interacting with people this way will make you irresistible.