The Beauty of “AND”

One of the most insidious words in English is the word “but.”  There is nothing wrong with the word by itself, except that is so often used to contradict what people are saying or to turn a situation that is neutral into something negative.

We have often referred to this phenomenon as “Yeah, Butting.”  This is when you say something and someone responds with “Yeah, but…”  The ability to decide on the value of advice you are getting is very important, particularly if the person giving the advice is giving you a reason not to do what you wanted to do or to give you the opposite advice or perspective on something.

It is notable that people will even say it in a seemingly positive situation.  “I’m going on vacation,” “yeah but the place you’re going to gets a lot of rain.”  “I won the lottery,” “yeah but you’re going to have to pay taxes.”  

These may seem ridiculous, but they happen constantly.  Many people will even use it in their own self-talk to sabotage good things that have happened to them.  “I have made a tonne of progress in the gym, but I am going to have to work hard to keep it up.” 

There are many negatives that can be associated with the word but, however if we take a neutral word like and, all of the sudden it takes out all the negativity!  I’m going on vacation and it rained.   I won the lottery and I have to pay taxes.  I got in great shape and I feel better about myself. 

If you substitute and instead for but you can change a situation around rapidly from a seemingly negative and self-sabotaging one to a neutral or even a positive one.